Expected/Unexpected Changes of Life

Life as I knew It.....

About a month ago my life took on some drastic changes.  At first the changes were exciting because me and my boy friend began looking into apartments and finally found one we both agreed was the best place for us to begin a new chapter in our lives.  With the new apartment came the excitement of buying stuff for my own place like kitchen supplies and furniture.  The furniture had to be the best part  because even though me and my guy have totally different taste (me more retro, him way more classic and modern) we agreed on our lovely living room set the minute we saw it.  Other than the anxiety of me moving out and being on my own things where great.  But then the unexpected happened on the early afternoon of April 15,2013 and no I am not referring to what happened in Boston; this was something that hit home an unexpected tragedy.   

On this Monday I was doing my normal routine at work until I got an odd text from my boyfriend. The text read "Call Me Now"  me of course thinking him and his best friend got into some kind of trouble was expecting some long funny story and how they got out of it.  But when I called him he was in the lobby at work which had me confused but when he spoke the words of the tragedy my family was just handed my knees felt weak, my stomach was sick, and my mind was in disbelief.  The news he gave to me was something I would never have imagined would of happened.  On that day I was reminded that great people are taken away from us way to soon.  On that day I lost my cousin Damein Andre Johnson and since then things have not been the same.

I miss him so much every day.  I wake up thinking about him and go to bed wondering why this happened why he had to go. Why was life so difficult for him?  I try not to dwell on it, try to act like I'm ok and that it doesn't hurt as bad as it actually does.  I think about what my family is going through especially his parents. But more so his sister because although she is one of the strongest people I know, I know she is hurting and its hard to know there is nothing any of us can do to take away their pain.  I will try and remain strong for my family and to keep that smile on my face like D kept on his.  I know I have to move on with my life, I know that I will never not think of him and how his life ended way to soon. 

I am taking things day by day.  This week however has been more difficult then I thought it would of been.  The reason is because it was finals week at school (the last place I saw him) and I knew he was suppose to be there studying and working hard to finish his first year of college.  I am also feeling a little guilty for living my family even though I am just moving 30 mins away but I am so close to them and I know they need me.  I also feel guilty for leaving my mom because it has be just me and her for so long but she knows I am always her baby girl and that I love her with all my heart and soul.

On the other hand I am excited about starting my life with my wonderful boyfriend.  He has been amazing through everything.  We move this coming Wednesday.  I'm excited but I want my family to know that I am just a phone call away and that we will make it through this because we are strong.  We have our ups and downs but what family doesn't.  

Life as I know it is changing there is some parts I can not control but others I can and I will make the best of everything that has been sent my way because god will give me the strength to get through this.

XOXO

Janice

RIP DJ

Damein, Me, Danni, Ronny, Sammi, Colin, Micah

My amazing cousins!